i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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