How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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