Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This baby is an asshole
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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