I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
