I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
