I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
