yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
