we have pet lesbian snakes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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