My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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