we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Still dying that you shit outside
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
