Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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