Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
