ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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