Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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