A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
