discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish i was in the wii world.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
