what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
