i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is my gift to your gina
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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