You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
