this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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