she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
