i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
