i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Congratulations! We have a period
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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