Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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