If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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