Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
