I'm gonna have a badass scar
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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