I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
