i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
