don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
