I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
