ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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