Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
