Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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