I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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