I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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