Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
