Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
