True but thats because hes a fetus.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
