Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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