Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
