It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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