I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
