Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
