these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
