I'm lost and stupid without you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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