As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
