hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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