Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
