Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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