I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
