I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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