hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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