as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
